Watching from the Shadows

I had a chance to peruse an interesting article today from the New York Times, care of Bryan Alexander's blog. The article is talking about facebook, and the shadowy subculture of "stalking" that it encourages us all to participate in. In case you don't have time to read the article, I've cut nearly the entire thing out and tossed it in a block quote ;-)

My generation has long been bizarrely comfortable with being looked at, and as performers on the Facebook stage, we upload pictures of ourselves cooking dinner for our parents or doing keg stands at last night’s party; we are reckless with our personal information. But there is one area of privacy that we won’t surrender: the secrecy of how and whom we search.

A friend of mine was recently in a panic over rumors of a hacker application that would allow Facebook users to see who’s been visiting their profiles. She’d spent the day ogling a love interest’s page and was horrified at the idea that he knew she’d been looking at him. But there’s no way Facebook would allow such a program to exist: the site is popular largely because it enables us to indulge our gazes anonymously. (We might feel invulnerable in the spotlight, but we don’t want to be caught sitting in someone else’s audience.) If our ability to privately search is ever jeopardized, Facebook will turn into a ghost town.

Facebook purports to be a place for human connectivity, but it’s made us more wary of real human confrontation. When I was in college, people always warned against the dangers of “Facebook stalking” at a library computer — the person whose profile you’re perusing might be right behind you. Dwelling online is a cowardly and utterly enjoyable alternative to real interaction.

So even though Facebook offers an elaborate menu of privacy settings, many of my friends admit that the only setting they use is the one that prevents people from seeing that they are Currently Logged In. Perhaps we fear that the Currently Logged In feature advertises to everyone else that we (too!) are Currently Bored, Lustful, Socially Unfulfilled or Generally Avoiding Real Life.

There are, as I can see it, two sides to this coin. On the one hand, Facebook allows you to meet people that you may have never otherwise come in contact with, to enable conversations that may never otherwise have occurred, to help you get to know people in ways that previously would have been impossible. But on the other hand, I have also experienced what my girlfriend calls the "relationship life support" effect - where Facebook serves as an intermediary between friends that I may not have seen or spoken to in years, preserving relationships that may otherwise have fallen into oblivion. Not because of any animosity or ill will, but rather because there is something easier, something more accessible about the wall post as compared to picking up a phone and actually calling someone. And by logical extension, it enables the stalker effect that the Op refers to - the anonymous ability to watch the lives of others from the shadows, no participation or interaction required. It is pretty weird when you sit down and think about it.

In the end, I think its a good thing - not the stalker-web syndrome, but rather any communication tool that aids in supporting relationships. I don't mind knowing that people can sit and stair at my profile if they choose to, and I for one, wouldnt mind someone knowing I was looking at theirs. And as someone who is notoriously bad at staying in touch, I also appreciate that way Facebook has helped to revitalize some relationships with good friends of old that may otherwise evaporated.

But at the very least, it does inspire a moment of pause. Is there something cowardly and shadowy in all of our newfound asynchronous communication? Or is it just part of the ever evolving way that a perpetually connected society stays in touch? Whatever that means...

What do you guys think?

Image from Wikipedia.com